We have to sell our house

We have to sell our house.

We actually just bought it a year ago.

I am also a licensed Real Estate Agent.

It was my dream to have our own house and a yard and a front porch, a garage, a driveway, a street my kids could play on with their friends…and we finally got it.

I was 8 months pregnant and was just let-go from my full-time salary job that was our primary income and we had just entered escrow. We ended up falling out of escrow because of that and we thought we had for sure lost the house.

Turned out that our lender moved numbers around and since we had been paying so much for childcare, since we no longer needed it anymore because I was at home and not working, that we still qualified for the house.

I remember my husband saying once we fell out of escrow that “Maybe this was a blessing in disguise, maybe we had no business buying a house.” And then I cried lol.

I had my heart set so much on the idea of having our own house for so long, that I saw passed all the red flags that were in front of us saying that we should not buy a house.

I was pregnant with our fourth child and we had just moved back in with my parents to save money to “buy a house” or to put down first month’s rent to move into a rental home. The rental market in our area is extremely competitive and houses go FAST. I couldn’t get a hold of anyone and never got any info on the houses and was so frustrated. So we just thought it was easier to buy a house after all and everyone says that buying is cheaper than renting.

Well, in the LONG RUN it is cheaper but short term, it is not. What we needed to focus on was the short term. But I didn’t want to do that. I was stubborn (per usual) and “knew” I was right and my husband was just being difficult and just wanted to make our lives harder.

We had spent 6 years hopping around the country with the military, going in and out of family’s houses because we were focusing on paying off debt instead of paying for a house. Luckily we had very generous family members who didn’t mind little kids running around and keeping them up all hours of the night.

Needless to say, I was just fed up. I was so tired of seeing all my friends move into their cute little homes and make it their own, or not have to walk up a big flight of stairs with all their groceries while carrying a carseat with a small child in it at the same time. I was just so focused on what I DIDN’T have. I was envious of literally everyone else.

So I pressured my husband into letting us buy a house that we were not financially stable enough to truly afford after he came back from his fourth deployment that he would go on a month after we had our fourth daughter. I swore that I would save money while he was gone. And I did. But not enough. I spent more than I should have and I could have just saved most of what I spent.

But I didn’t.

It’s really hard keeping up with your friends. Its hard to not be jealous of the financial stage they are in their lives and then look at your own and think why you’re not at the same place as them. We don’t all make the same decisions and we don’t all make the same mistakes. So are all at different stages of life. Unfortunately, we have made a series of bad financial decisions. And now, we’re paying for me not being able to be more patient.

I have a habit of feeling uneasy and then immediately trying to “cure” that uneasiness by finding a “solution.”

These solutions are never the cure. In fact, they end up being the problem. Instead of being patient and waiting in that uneasiness, I push it away as hard as I can, jumping at any opportunity that will make that uneasiness go away. Its hard for me not to do that.

I’ve grown up thinking my whole life that if you encounter a problem, you fix it. You find the solution. You work more. You work harder. You change your mindset. You buy this, you buy that. You google this, you google that. You youtube this, you youtube that. This is a great outlook to have…unless its a situation that God is clearly telling you that you can’t fix it this time. You have to wait.

Well…I don’t like waiting. I’m the opposite of patient. I need things quickly, efficient, smarter not harder, now or never, all or nothing…that’s me. Over the last 8 years I have been challenged by what my natural reactions to things are. Its been like a very long stretched out learning experience that will never end.

Right now, we are in a small group for the first time as a couple. I’ve been in a ton of bible studies over the years and have prayed and prayed that my husband would have the desire to go to one so we could go to a couple’s small group. He’s always either been on deployment or he thinks we don’t have time or he just simply doesn’t want to. I think a part of that is fear of rejection or fear of people not understanding him. Sitting in a room full of self-righteous people who will judge him. This is a valid concern for all of us and is human nature. And for the first time in 7 years, we’re in our first small group together. Who knows what either of us will get out of it, he is on his own journey with Christ, as am I. And I have to remind myself of that. Sometimes when you want something SO bad, you forget that you can’t control the outcome of that desire. So you try to hold onto it for as long and as tight as you possibly can because you don’t want the smallest gap to exist that may allow something in to take it away…even though you don’t have it at all. That desire is just that, a desire. A want. You don’t have it. You dream and wish for it and hope it happens one day. You pray for it. But God is the ultimate decision maker. It took me years to figure that out. Apparently, I’m a slow learner. A slow learner who wants things fast. Go figure.

But during this small group, we are talking about trusting God and a few times we have gotten off topic because I have mentioned something about being confident in Christ, and knowing “who I am” in him.

I spoke briefly about our marriage and a small portion of my testimony last night. I talked about how my husband and I met very young, around the age of 13/14 and for many years I was extremely infatuated with him. My identity was completely in him, not in myself or in God, but him. My happiness was dependent on him. Even though I was saved at 10 years old, I apparently didn’t truly believe or know that because I was placing my identity on a teenage boy who only cared about food and his hormones.

I shared how once we got married, I was so excited that we were finally married and that would be the answer to all my prayers.

Then, my marriage was taken away from me. For what seemed like years. And it was instant. Just because we got married, it did not solve any problems and it made me feel completely worthless. My husband did not act like my husband and he was very cruel and angry at times. When I say my marriage was taken away from me, I don’t mean that my husband passed away. I mean that my idea of what my marriage would be like, was taken away from me and replaced with what I thought was a nightmare.

The man I had put my identity in for the last 8 or so years (at the time) was rejecting me and acted as though he didn’t care about me whatsoever. His heart was hardened and empty and lonely. He was living away from family, around people he did not know, who didn’t care about him and making him feel less than. So ultimately, he turned around and treated me the same.

I held on to our marriage like I was hanging off a cliff while clinging to a rope for dear life. I held on no matter what weather poured down on me, no matter how many insects ate away at my body while holding onto that rope, no matter how much my muscles were fatiguing. I held on, not understanding that there was a safety net underneath me that would catch me once I let go of that rope.

One day, after hanging on for dear life for a few years, I let go. I let go of all my dreams for our marriage. I let go of all of my fears of being alone. I let go of the man who I thought was my husband and the person I built him up to be in my head. I let go of the person I had been holding on to and shoving my identity in for 12 years.

I figured out who I was. And it didn’t matter if he knew it or not. It didn’t matter if he was there or not. I found that I was in Jesus the whole time. And it didn’t matter if my husband would ever come back or if he loved me or what he thought of me. Jesus was where I was, Jesus loved me, Jesus was there, and Jesus knows me.

So as I shared some of this with our group last night, I realized that I had already come to a moment where I knew Jesus had me. I already knew that Jesus will be there to catch me when I fall, no matter where I land. I already knew how to trust him. Because I was forced to trust him, I literally had no other choice. And he caught me. Or rather, he picked me up off the floor after I fell and healed all of my broken bones and made them even stronger.

So, as I have been talking to this group about our financial situation, and how many jobs I’m working and that I really can’t keep up with this rat race anymore and for them to pray for us to find better jobs and this and that. By me jumping at every opportunity at extra money that “could” possibly help us, it has only been stretching me too thin, making me emotionally and physically unavailable for my kids and resentful toward my husband. It has been making me so busy that I don’t have the time or energy to pray for my marriage or my family. And it has ultimately been showing me that my trust in the Lord does not exist around our finances. It exists in my “identity” and our marriage, but I haven’t been putting my trust  in him around our finances. That’s where pride becomes a sin. We think we are more than capable of providing those things for our lives that we don’t need the help of God, or that we don’t want to “wait” on him. We need the money now and waiting in that tough season will be too hard, so sure i’ll go take that job that makes me $12 an hour and takes me completely away from my family, even though I am already working a full time job and doing my own business on the side. Instead of leaving space for God to slide in and fill that gap for us, so we have rest to enjoy the blessings God has given us.

I also hate letting people down. So when I quit a job, I feel as though I’m screwing them over. But I don’t think about how my family is feeling and they could be feeling as though I’m screwing them over by not quitting.

And I’m not saying you shouldn’t work and provide for your family, but when you are working completely at the cost of your family and your relationships, that’s where I don’t think it is worth it and where I don’t think God wants you to be either.

Make room for rest in your life. Make room for God to step in and show you how mighty he is, because you are not mighty. You are meek, and weak. And you do need the strength and power of Jesus. It doesn’t matter how much you don’t agree with his plans, trust me…you WANT those plans. Don’t spend years chasing something that is not part of God’s plan. Because that is all you will do…chase it.

So, I’m making a decision to trust God with our house. I don’t know if we will be able to keep it. I don’t know if we will lose it and go into foreclosure and have to do a short-sale. I have no idea. But I know that my identity is not in that house, its not in the idea of our family being “stable” like the other families we know, it’s not in our family having the perfect amount of bedrooms and bathrooms or a backyard or living on a cul-de-sac, or even staying married to my husband.

My security and identity are in Jesus, and I have to give him room to work in our lives. The outcome of my life has already been decided. I just have to trust that he knows whats best for me and my family.

It’s okay

It’s okay

1️⃣ Its okay to be proud of yourself and your body. It doesn’t make you conceited or arrogant for appreciating your body and investing love and time into it. You shouldn’t feel bad for making time for yourself to achieve goals or peace of mind, unless it is completely harming your family more than doing it good.

2️⃣ it’s okay if your body looks different. It is always going to look different. It will never look the same and you will never be the same as someone else. That’s the beauty of our bodies, we all have different weaknesses and strengths and you can’t spend your time wishing you had someone else’s strengths and ignore your own or worse…never taking the time to find out WHAT those strengths are simply because you’re distracted by others’.

3️⃣ it’s okay to not be happy. It’s alright to have bad days, it’s okay to not feel like you want to smile and pretend everything is perfect that day…but it’s not okay to stay that way. We can’t always be in a good mood. Sometimes we feel drained and depleted and need rest and those days don’t look “happy.” If something is going on in your life, it’s alright to speak up and confide in someone…but don’t confide in EVERYONE. Because not everyone will appreciate your transparency and not everyone will respect your privacy. Take your “rest” days, take a break from smiling at every single person just so you don’t make them feel uncomfortable, take a break from doing everything that’s “expected” of you when you feel like you’re on the verge of a meltdown. Listen to your body, take some time, cry, sleep, read, stare at the sky…do whatever your mind and heart need and come back to your responsibilities with a new perspective and the ability to smile, be happy and actually mean it.

4️⃣ and lastly it’s okay to not be on point with your nutrition. There’s going to be different seasons of your life. You might have to focus on nutrition for some type of competition, or maybe you’re BREASTFEEDING or trying to correct an autoimmune disease with your food…whatever it may be. Your food doesn’t define your worth. Some of us might feel worse than others when you ate something you weren’t supposed to or started eating really badly for a week so then you just decide to give up on whatever you were trying to achieve. It doesn’t need to be this way. Your food is a means to an end. You have the power to decide how you use that food and how it affects your perspective on your life. You’re human, mistakes and slip ups are inevitable. How we move past those mistakes and slip ups and changing our mindset so we stop thinking about them as MISTAKES…that’s when you give yourself the power to not let food control your life.

Those “mistakes” do not mean you need to give up on the road you were on. You are still on that same trip, you just went on a little detour. All we need to do is adjust and get back on the road. No biggie. Mindset is literally e v e r y t h i n g

DM me to schedule a free 1:1 nutrition/mindset consultation.

I wish I was a stay-at-home-mom

I work a lot

As I’ve mentioned in other posts

I forget to do things for my kids when they have things going on at school

I forget how to deal with the craziness of our household

I don’t ever have time to clean and God forbid my husband cleans the house. He does all the kids laundry though so that’s his strong suit…but not putting it away. Love you babe.

My pet peeve is a messy house. I wouldn’t even say its a pet peeve, but rather it gives me major anxiety and makes me feel like I can’t do anything let alone THINK in our house. I can only imagine how one of our girls feels if they have anxiety from it.

So far, they are really embracing the whole messy house mantra

And I’m not down with that. 

But that’s not the only reason why I wish I was a stay-at-home-mom.

A long time ago I WAS. And I didn’t appreciate it. I was very young, new to being a mom, new to being married…and I kept thinking about my “plan” that I had for myself before I had kids. I was supposed to get a career in journalism and go travel the world reporting on important matters. But there I was, waiting for my husband to come home from Ireland on one of his underways (Navy) with two little girls under the age of 3.

I loved it, but I hated it. I also didn’t communicate well with my husband back then. So I thought he would be more proud of me if I landed an awesome job and put our kids in daycare all day long instead of just deciding to be a stay-at-home-mom and really jumping into being a MOM. I had just graduated college about 5 months before this, so the type A, overachiever inside of me was going absolutely insane.

Unfortunately, I had to learn a lot of things the hard way in my adult life. I’ve taken the long road at almost every crossroads. Maybe God wanted me to learn some life lessons so I could teach my girls them one day or maybe I’m just stupid?? I’m leaning toward to the latter.

But I kept searching for “that” job. And you know what? I haven’t found it. I’ve had two more kids since then and our finances have really suffered from me trying to find this perfect job that I’ve been dreaming of all these years. I’ll land a job, stay there for awhile and then hate it…then leave. Then get another job, stay there awhile, hate it, then leave…etc.

I was being so indecisive back when it was just me and the two little ones. We were living in Florida at the time at one of my husband’s duty stations and I knew absolutely nobody. My husband asked me if I wanted to stay home with the kids and he would work or if I wanted to get a job and then one day he’d get out of the Navy. I literally couldn’t decide. I didn’t think about how hard it would be financially if he got out of the Navy, which is funny because he barely made ANYTHING…but it supported us.

I didn’t want to trust God that maybe the home was where I was supposed to be. Maybe being home with our girls was the best thing for THEM. I thought about my pride and going to school and what did I just go to four years of college for if I wasn’t going to use it?

I’m sure a lot of mom’s have this same indecisiveness but I have yet to meet one who is at the same level as me.

Fast forward 5 almost 6 years later and here I am, trying to make money online like a freaking hustler, so I can stay home with my kids and let my husband go back to school and use his GI Bill.

Maybe it will happen…maybe it won’t. Who knows. Moral of the story. When you are at a crossroads and you have to make a decision. Make the one that is selfless…not selfish. The right decision is never the selfish one.

I know staying home is basically a full-time job and it never ends. But its a terrible feeling to separate yourself from your entire home life, leave it, try not to think about it while you’re gone and pretend that you don’t miss your family while you’re at work.

I try to block out all the things that need to be done at home, until I get home. But then I come home and a million tasks start popping up in my mind and it gets overwhelming but it also makes me really sad that so many things need to be done but “I’m too busy” to do anything about it. I’m too busy for my family. And that’s not how my life is supposed to be, that’s not being a blessing to my family.

Luckily, I’m very passionate and knowledgable about nutrition. And I’m a nutrition + mindset coach. So this is how I make money on the side to help our family and to help other people’s lives.

Praying for a miracle to happen that I’ll be able to stay home with my girls, is my only option right now. If you’re wondering, my husband is getting out of the Navy so he can go to school and has not been able to find a good paying job. I have my degree and make more money than him, so the money I made vs him is very beneficial for paying our mortgage and bills.

If you have any interest in Nutrition let me know!

If you don’t, say a quick prayer for me to grow this little nutrition coaching biz so I can bring it home full time!

I had an eating disorder + never knew it

If you met me in high school, you would have thought I was like “the perfect” girl. I don’t want this to come off cocky and arrogant because that it SO not who I was.

On paper though, I was “that” girl.

Super skinny, athletic, pretty (but I didn’t think so), not too tall but not too short, blue eyes, blonde hair, lived in the suburbs, parents still married, got a car at 16 (my dad’s commuter Nissan Altima — which I totaled BTW, it was fine though, she recovered), had a boyfriend, played soccer, blah blah blah…

But underneath all this mess, was a literal mess.

I had a mild case of anxiety but I had no idea that’s what it was. My thoughts raced 90 miles a minute, I thought about pretty much every word that came out of my mouth (and honestly still do, but I pray through that now…a lot), I would start compulsively shaking when my boyfriend and I would get in arguments, I was so nervous about meeting new people, if someone stared at my face for longer than 2.5 seconds I would immediately assume that they were judging something about my appearance, if I walked into a room and everyone stared at me I knew it was because I looked dumb or weird or whatever…it was crazy, okay.

Like stupid crazy. I was SO INSECURE. And honestly for pretty much no reason.

I was hyper aware of my appearance but not really because looking back on what I looked like then, I was basically a freaking barbie but thought I was a giant.

You see, my body is athletic. Meaning I have broader shoulders that don’t normally fit in “smaller” jackets that should fit my small framed body. I also played competitive soccer so my quads and calves were really muscular and larger than I was comfortable with. Something I vividly remember about being a teenager and an athlete was when I would sit on anything and my calves were laying flat on something, I always thought that they looked huge and flabby and fat. I never thought they looked muscular and attractive…because I was 16 and stupid. My husband (who was my high school boyfriend) always says I was crazy because my “soccer calves” were awesome.

In addition to those things, I have ridiculously huge hands and feet. And I’m honestly not exaggerating. I wear size 9.5 in shoes, I am 5’4″ btw, and my hands are as long as my husband’s hands just not as thick. I’ve pretty much always been able to grasp a football no problem. I’m super lanky, pretty sure my arm span is longer than my height, I have a super short torso and I always hated the way my stomach looked because it was short and didn’t ever look long and flat like all the “pretty girls”. The way us girls think, is so twisted. To go even further into my “body issues,” one of my ribs pops out a little more than the other side and it used to kill me because I thought it made me look “bigger”. I know some of you are hating me right now and I don’t blame you. Hate-on girlfriend.

But growing up, I had a much different body than my mom (which is funny because my body looks a little more like hers now) or some of my friends. My mom was skinnier than me, like wayyyyyyy skinner and I always was really insecure about that. I was not chubby in high school by any means, but she was skinnier than me and I couldn’t fit in a lot of her dresses or skirts or whatever and it bothered me. I had some “mommy issues” that I won’t get into right now, but it clearly affected in certain ways.

I always thought in terms of looks instead of what my body was capable of.

I didn’t ever focus on how easily my body adapted to pretty much all sports and movements, I could jump into anything and it would look like I had practiced it for years. Still can. My kinesthetic awareness has always been insane. Did I care about that then? Heck no. God knows why.

I had some issues with my mom growing up, as many girls do. Its funny because I actually had a much harder relationship with her as an adult than I did as a child/teenager, but in my perfect little life where nothing really major happened to me, caused a bit emotional stress in my life. I do want to say that I lost three grandparents in the span of about 5 years whom I was very close to during my teenage years though…so I definitely wasn’t spared in the grief department of life and I witnessed a lot of death and sadness due to cancer that runs in our family. Just wanted to give a PSA in case you thought my life was perfection. Just wait for some future posts when I get into my pregnancies…those will be fun for ya.

Getting back to my “body issues”… I was dumb. As most teenage girls are. Sorry, to my 17 year old sister, love ya.

When I say that I had an eating disorder and didn’t know it because eating disorders weren’t ever talked about. I don’t remember ever hearing about eating disorders in health class or anything. Honestly, I think I only  knew about them because of TV shows.

I started taking “diet” pills when I was 17. I think it was 17. May have been 16. I ordered them online using my mom’s credit card, which she never knew about because for some reason they didn’t check that card’s statement very often.

This was a thermogenic pill that burned fat.

I took it twice a day for weeks. Sometimes I’d stop and then start taking them again when I started feeling more insecure. I honestly don’t know if it did anything…I don’t remember. But what I do remember is what was more damaging then whatever the pill could physically do to me.

I would set reminders on my cell phone (flip phone, what what) that said “don’t eat” around the times where we would have “break” or lunch at school. These would usually be on days where I wanted to “look good” for my boyfriend, who is my husband now, or for a dance or some activity I would have been doing later that day…or to just get down to a certain weight.

I would talk to one of my girlfriends about not eating bread in the morning because it would expand our stomachs and make us look fat the rest of the day. YEAH

I actually did this on the day we have senior prom. I barely ate anything actually, so I could look as skinny as possible in my teeny tiny, VERY revealing prom dress that I had no business wearing. How my parents let me get that, is a mystery to me.

One day that same friend saw the reminder on my phone and said, “what the hell is that?”

I replied by playing it off somehow and saying it was because of this, or that…and she ended up believing me. You know how teenage girls believe other teenage girls and their weird and ungrounded mentality that makes zero sense? Well, she believed it.

Pretty sure my husband never knew I took those pills. I know one time he saw the alerts on my phone and that made him really upset and he didn’t believe my excuses for one minute. I told him i’d take them off and he made me go eat something in front of him.

But then I’d just starve myself as long as I could until I had to eat again in front of my family.

This is also around the time that I started drinking coffee, which helped me prolong the amount of time that I didn’t feel the need to eat, or just bare the hunger pangs.

I would do 100 sit ups, crunches, lunges, and fire hydrants every single night, in addition to my soccer practices and running x amount of miles a day aside from practice. Like I said, I was insane ya’ll. Luckily, I couldn’t bring myself to throw up or get to the point where I needed to be hospitalized or lost a truly scare amount of weight. But nonetheless, this was an eating disorder.

Its scary to me how close I was balancing on the line that I could have easily crossed and entered into a world of darkness that would have been very hard to get out of.

And the fact that I have four daughters makes that fear extremely vivid and familiar because I know how much pressure young girls are under. What is worse, is that we didn’t have social media like they will have in 10 years…or even like my sister has now. To say its extreme is a crazy understatement.

We don’t plan on allowing them to have social media though, for this exact reason. If you disagree with me on this, that’s fine. But if you try to argue with me about this, you’ll lose.

I have my Bachelor’s degree in Mass Media and studied the crap out of the effects of media and children and women, as well as on our minds (specifically our memory) and it exposed a very very dark side of the world to me. We won’t be trying to “be mean” to our kids, rather we will be protecting them from mental illnesses that have existed for many years as well as mental illnesses that are new and arising every single day in children AND ADULTS because of social media. End my rant on social media now 🙂

I should have asked for help but I didn’t think it was a problem. Deep deep down, clearly I knew it was wrong because I was hiding it from everyone I knew, but in my head it was under control. I was a strong willed girl who “knew” I wouldn’t be one of those girls who lost control and would end up doing something even more careless.

Luckily, nothing worse happened. I didn’t become 90 pounds or get sent to the hospital (although I probably should have so a psychologist could have talked to me). But I wholeheartedly believe that this was God catching me when I was falling and he didn’t let me hit the ground, his safety net was there just in time. He had a plan for my life and hitting rock bottom at that time, just wasn’t part of it.

If you or someone you know struggles with ANY KIND of an eating disorder, get help. Go talk to your school counselor, cousin, mom, dad, sister, doctor…anyone. But whoever you talk to, make sure they won’t tell you that you’re crazy or its all in your head, or that “you’re fine.” If you think anything like the high school me did, you are not fine and you need to seek some outside help so they can give you perspective that you are currently unable to obtain.

Eating disorders are legit, they are a real thing, they can ruin lives, they can give you diseases, in fact they are a form of disease, and it can harm your body for many many years, if not the rest of your life.

There is a way out, there is light at the end of that tunnel and you will get help but you have to say something. Closed mouths don’t get fed and NO ONE IS A MIND READER. If you think you are sending warning signs to someone so they will ask you what’s wrong, chances are they are not noticing them and it is not because they don’t care about you, it is because they simply think you are not struggling with anything.

You are loved and known and wanted and everyone who loves and cares about you does not want this for you.

“The Lord your God is with you, and he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you; He will quiet you with His love; He will rejoice over you with singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17



Is Matcha Good For You?

Matcha is all the rage right now, right?

I’m sure you’ve seen Pinterest posts about it, seen the Starbucks ads, seen the instagram posts…but why?

Is it just another fad or is it actually good for you?

I started drinking matcha tea last summer after I had my fourth daughter. I was really sleep deprived and constantly needed a pick me up. Coffee was giving me too much anxiety and making me feel honestly terrible.

Once I tried matcha, it was nothing like coffee. I never got the “jitters,” I didn’t get anxiety at night because of it, I could actually focus on things when I drank it, its tastes amazing, and I never “crashed” because it is a slow release of caffeine unlike coffee.

Why do you Matcha_

Some fun facts about Matcha:

  • It is rich is catechin polyphenols – compounds with high antioxidant activity
    • These polyphenols protect against various kinds of cancer, cardiovascular disease, AND slow the aging process down.
  • Provides trace minerals (selenium, chromium, zinc, and magnesium) and vitamins (A, B-complex, C, E, and K)
  • Reduces bad cholesterol in the blood
  • Stabilizes blood sugar levels (good for a Diabetic)
  • Reduces high blood pressure
  • Makes the body more resistant to toxins
  • And has LOTS OF FIBER
  • Boosts your metabolism
  • Enhances mood and aides in concentration
  • Inhibits the possible side effects of caffeine, like nervous energy found in coffee.
  • Different form of caffeine than the one found in coffee
  • Burns calories
  • Boosts vision and prevents eye disorders because of absorption of catechin in the tissues of the eye

1 cup of matcha antioxidants = 10 cups of brewed green tea antioxidants

That’s pretty insane

Matcha tea contains a unique, potent class of antioxidant known as catechins, which aren’t found in other foods.

The catechin EGCg (epigallocatechin gallate) provides potent cancer-fighting properties.

Most importantly, EGCg and other catechins counteract the effects of free radicals from the likes of pollution, UV rays, radiation, and chemicals, which can lead to cell and DNA damage. Since over 60% of the catechins in matcha are actually EGCg, a daily matcha regimen can help restore and preserve the body’s integral well-being and balance. 

Just a thought…drink it daily.

How does it help me focus?

  • Matcha contains the amino acid, L-theanine, it promotes a state of relaxation and well-being by acting upon the brain’s functioning.
  • Because of this amino acid, Matcha does not have the same effects from caffeine, like coffee
  • Stress typically induces beta waves which is an excited, more agitated state, L-Theanine creates alpha waves, which lead to a state of relaxed alertness. And while L-Theanine is common in all tea, matcha may contain up to five times more of this amino acid than common black and green teas.

How does it help me burn calories?

A study featured in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition found that consuming matcha green tea can increase thermogenesis (the body’s own rate of burning calories) from a normal 8%-10% of daily energy expenditure, to between 35% and 43% of daily energy expenditure.

How is it different than Coffee in regards to caffeine?

Theophylline is the form of caffeine found in Matcha tea. This is not in coffee. It sustains the energy levels without any adverse effects.

Have you ever felt super irritable after drinking a lot of coffee? Those are you hormones being out of wack

The slow release of energy due to theophylline helps in supporting the functionality of adrenal glands and it helps maintain your hormonal levels so you don’t feel that “irritability.”


Overall this guy strengthens your immune system and improves your health drastically. I’ll never drink coffee the same after realizing how amazing matcha is.

What does a family of 6 eat on a budget?

Im SO glad you asked!

I wrote a post on instagram about cooking whole chickens and how my mind shifted in regards to cooking our food and how I think about the food I make now.

It started because we became broke. And I don’t mean, “oh, we really need to cut back on our grocery budget”, I mean like we had $100 in our checking account one time and we had to split that between a bill and groceries for a week…we have four kids and one of them is on FORMULA. Yeah.

I grew up in a home where budgets were not even really talked about. My dad made really good money, obviously not when I was a kid and when they were first starting out, but they only had one child and weren’t hurting for anything.

As I got older, my dad started making better money and my mom would buy everything Trader Joes, almost nothing in bulk and not very much made from scratch. I am not bagging on this way of life, I am just explaining that it didn’t prepare me for a life that was on a much much much smaller budget and with MANY MORE CHILDREN lol.

One day, Jose and I will not be in this predicament but right now we are, and we have to adjust. Especially me. My husband grew up poor and went day to day without knowing where his next meal would be most days. When we were in high school, he would eat our house for dinner most nights during the week. And if he didn’t, he ate $1 tacos from Jack in the box that was down the street. Again, not saying anything is bad about this kind of life, this is just a fact. His mom worked many jobs at the same time, single mom, four kids and worked her ass off. They just didn’t have enough food.

So he still has that mentality. When it looks like we don’t have enough food, he accepts it and decides in his mind that we will have to tough it out.

I do not have this same kind of mentality.

It is not acceptable to me if we won’t have enough food, so I always make it a point to make things in bulk or from scratch, so that we have SOMETHING.

It is not always healthy but my kids eat.

We are lucky and get WIC, which is honestly a life saver sometimes for formula and baby food.

But this is typically what we eat weekly:


-Whole chickens, made in the crockpot

-Ground beef, we have been getting the not-so-lean kind because it is cheaper and I put in spaghetti since you can’t really taste the fat. PLUS, fat IS GOOD FOR YOU. So as long as you keep in mind that you will be eating a large amount of fat from your meat, you can adjust your fat throughout the rest of the day, if you aren’t doing Keto.

-Hummus (only a couple of my kids actually like this. Plus my husband is allergic beans so he can’t eat it. This makes eating a budget extra tough. 

-Pita bread, for the hummus



-Potatoes (my kids absolutely hate potatoes and will not eat them without gagging and whining the entire time, so I don’t make these for them)

-Rice or Quinoa

-Frozen veggies like broccoli and cauliflower 


-Frozen berries for kids’ snacks


-Block cheese

-homemade muffins and sometimes biscuits or cornbread muffins


-Salsa/hot sauce

-Tortillas (can make burritos, quesadillas, or dip in salsa or hummus, or egg burritos for breakfast)

-Sour Cream (my husband I love to eat quesadillas with salsa and sour cream)


-Or homemade soup loaded with veggies and left over pulled chicken from the crockpot, or sausage which is always cheaper than ground beef. 


Download my free guide to help you lower your grocery bill if you are really in a tight financial situation!


We WILL make our mortgage this month

Have you ever felt stuck?

Financially stuck. Emotionally stuck. Physically stuck. Creatively stuck. Just stuck?

Last year my husband went on his 4th, and last, deployment that lasted for 6 months. I didn’t save our money well during this time and quite honestly blew it on groceries for clean eating and I didn’t look back.

That was the wrong choice.

I could have still eaten healthy while being frugal but I didn’t “want” to. I wanted our kids to eat super healthy food and I wanted to lose ALL the baby weight (this did not happen).

But my mind didn’t go past deployment. It only saw the NOW. It didn’t think about how things would be in 9 or 10 months and where our income would be coming from.

My husband is now in the reserves and when he came back from deployment, his active duty stopped, as expected. We had enough savings to last us for three months which included our mortgage, car payments and various other bills.

At the time, I was trying to do Real Estate full time but as a new agent, we all know how impossible the first year can seem. To cut this short, I made zero dollars for 6 months.

My husband is such a gracious guy and believes in me full heartedly…probably because I’m just all in, in everything I do. I go from 0-60 no matter what it is and I’m super confident about it and just expect him to be on board, so he may feel like he just has no other choice sometimes lol. Other times he slows me down, gets me level headed and helps me think more realistically.

But MOST of the time, he just says “okay babe.” Love him.

So that’s exactly what he did. He stayed home with the kids and let me go try to do this Real Estate thing full fledged. I did it all in but saw no results.

We had a plan for my husband to go to school and use his GI bill and I would go back to work since I already have my degree. He’s worked hard for our family and I didn’t want to take that away from him.

We went 4 months without me making anything. I took any extra side paying job, and so did he. Sign twirling, wine serving…we finally found jobs and he got a part time job at Home Depot, but it’s still tight. We had a family member pay our mortgage last month and it was the most humbling experience asking someone to do that for us because of our poor judgment in finances.

Our house is also a purchase that we shouldn’t have made but that’s a story for a different day.

It’s amazing but also painful how God puts you in these circumstances and tests you and your faith. I was and still am being tested on how I can trust God that our family will be alright no matter what happens and that He will find the way that I can’t. I’ve been shown (again) that I don’t have control over everything and I need to let go and just be, and let him work. That is probably what I struggle with most in my life, is giving up the reigns to my life.

I’m the type of person to say, “oh yeah? That’s not gonna happen. Watch me prove you wrong,” and then I go prove them wrong.

BUT every now and then, God shows me that sometimes I’M the one that’s wrong and I’m not always able to go out and do it. He wants to show me that HE can do it and HE’S the reason why I can prove people wrong at times. He gives me that drive. It doesn’t come from myself.

I wrote on our whiteboard that hangs in our dining room/hallway that “We will make our mortgage this month”. This is where I write our grocery lists, everyone’s schedules, things that we need reminders for…and words of encouragement. So I decided that I would put up those words in hopes (not really hopes, I firmly believed we would pay our mortgage ourselves), that we would go out and do it.

Well…January flew by and although we made money, it wasn’t enough to pay our mortgage.

Earlier that month, God somehow reacquainted us with a family member that we hadn’t seen in over 2 years because of some disagreements.

Without this being a thought in our mind, they offered to pay our mortgage. We didn’t accept this offer at first because we thought we had it under control.

Well, we didn’t. A week ago, we went back to them and asked if they would graciously pay our mortgage this month and that we would pay them back with our tax return.

The old me would be so disappointed in myself for not achieving that goal I put on that board. I would feel ashamed for needing that much help and I would hide from any communication from that person who helped us.

But the me I am today, who has done a lot of soul searching and had hours of alone time with God and really allowing him to scrape out the bad parts of my heart that have been lurking in the corners for decades… and then him refilling it with his goodness–this new me invites this season of our lives. This difficult, painful, seemingly endless, penny pinching and frustrating season. I invite it because I know it’s good for me. I know it’s shaping me. And maybe it’s shaping my husband and kids too, but in my heart, I’m the one that needed this shaping the most.

I’m learning the definition of hard work, patience and most of all grace + I know it’s only going to bless me and my family.

Jesus is amazing

Trying out to be a SPIN INSTRUCTOR

A few weeks ago I went into a spin studio that is down the street from my house.

I had just been told by Orange Theory Fitness that I didn’t get the sales job there because of my schedule. They only pay $12/hr so it had to be my second job if I got it. So my availability just wouldn’t work for what they needed.

I was so bummed. I really wanted to work for OTF. Since I am also getting my CPT, I wanted to have my foot in the door to be able to train there as well. Oh well, some doors close, so better ones can open right?

So on my way home from work, I stopped in this place, called Rebel Spin. Its SO cute. It has light oak wood nailed to the back wall, the colors are black and white for their brand, they have strung up black lights hanging in the lobby…the whole shabang.

I thought, why not? I’ll just go in and ask if they’re hiring. They will probably tell me no.

I walk in and the girl at the front desk asks me if I have a resume. I say no, I was just on my way home but I live down the street and can go get one. She’s no worries, I’ll give your info to the owner and she will give you a call. A class was in session and it sounded like they were hard core jammin in there. Which sounds AMAZING.

So I go home. Next thing I know, I get a call about 30 mins later, one of the owners call me and she was the girl instructing the class while I was there. She asks me if I want to do the class at 6:45 and try it out and bring my resume if I have one.

And I was like, HELL YES lady.

So I do what she says, stop in for the next class (literally a 3 minute drive from my front door) give her my resume and she tells me to jump on a bike and we’ll talk after.

That ride was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It was a rhythm ride and they go to the beat of the music, its super upbeat, very loud and you feel like you’re by yourself in this huge group of women (and a few men sometimes, go you guys!). I ended up seeing about 5 people that I knew while I was there and they’ve all been going for awhile. I had no idea.

I’ve done spin before but not a spin studio, they are VERY different and so much better in my opinion.

After class, I talked to the owner and she was so encouraging and fun to talk to, I thought to myself, this seems like no place I have ever worked before. What if I could actually work here and be surrounded by this much positivity all the time?

While talking to her and telling her about myself, she asked, “Have you ever thought about being an instructor?” and said “NO” haha It has never even crossed my mind.

She let me know that they were going to be holding auditions in a couple weeks and that I should try out.

They let me attend classes for the next couple of weeks so I could understand how their class structure is set up. I tried out about 5 days ago and was extremely nervous. I had never instructed before but it has always been a dream of mine to instruct SOMETHING in the fitness industry. But with four kids and working, it just never happened. I also haven’t finished my CPT yet so I have to wait until I can instruct in that area. But THIS??? I don’t have to wait??? THAT IS SO COOL.

I left the audition feeling so full of nerves and adrenaline. I thought there was no way they were going to choose me. They had so many awesome people try out that are experienced. I was too nervous. 

3 days went by and I heard nothing. So I accepted the fact that I probably wasn’t chosen and that was okay, it just wasn’t my time. BUT then, I got an email the 4th day from one of the other owners saying she wanted to meet with me and chat.

Yesterday I met with that owner at the yoga studio she ALSO owns and she explained that she wanted to bring me on but have me work at the front desk first for the first few weeks and get trained on the bike before starting to lead classes.

So now, I am the newest addition to REBEL SPIN guys!!

Super excited. If you live in the Temecula/Murrieta area, hit it up and see what its all about 🙂

I didn’t wear make-up to work today

Today I chose not to wear makeup.

It really wasn’t to make any statement, it just happened that way.

I’ve been using a new face wash and moisturizer and I could tell my skin needed a break from my foundation so I let it rest.

Just to clarify, I did wear mascara because…you have to wear mascara. lol

But I noticed how uncomfortable I felt and that I kept trying to make sure that I angled my face a certain way when I spoke to someone, or was moving my hair and making it “extra” fluffy to gain more attention than my face.

I was SO uncomfortable.

I literally couldn’t wait to get home. I even thought about wearing makeup once I got home…but then I rethought that ridiculous thought.

Why do I feel this way? Why am I THIS uncomfortable in my own skin?

My work is a very relaxed place. It’s a restoration and construction company where I do sales and marketing for them. Its mostly guys but there is one lady there and she’s awesome. She’s much older than me and probably would prefer it if I didn’t wear make-up! You know how us girls can be.

I just felt like it was so dumb that I was acting this way and in one moment, I just decided to stop it.

My boss came in to ask me a question and he didn’t look at me funny or make me feel like he was staring at something on my face…He was speaking normally.

Gasp! What????

People treat me the same way as they do when I DO wear makeup?

This seems like such a simple concept, but it was actually foreign to me. I truly thought people would treat me differently, how sad is that?!

So after my convo with him, I chose to simply embrace it and be proud of how I look without make-up. This is who I am and who God made me and its the face my husband loves and HAS to see every night and every morning.

He, of course, tells me, “Babe I think you’re more beautiful without make-up.”

Good husband’s always say that and honestly I think they’re lying. Its okay though, they SHOULD say that! lol

Anyways, if you, for some reason, have to go out into the world without make-up on for the first time in a long time, please embrace it. It isn’t fair for us to feel so insecure for literally no reason. We are simply doing it to ourselves!

And look to my picture for inspo lol.


There is an affiliate link in this post for Athia Skin-Care. This is not a paid post. But I LOVE this skincare line and the night time moisturizer is seriously the best.

no make up

The day I asked for free stuff

I did something the other day that I didn’t think I would ever do. And to be honest, I didn’t realize I was doing it. 


We are pretty strapped for money right now. I’m not even going to lie, its really bad. We honestly do not know if we will make our mortgage next month and this month we had a family member volunteer to pay our mortgage for us. THATS HOW BAD IT IS.


I know we aren’t the only ones struggling but in our immediate community, we are the only ones. Luckily, we are so blessed to know the most generous and amazing people who pour life and help into us, that its extremely humbling and overwhelming.


But lately, I have been taking too much on. I’ve been feeling the weight of supporting our family completely on my shoulders, even though I don’t need to do that. When that happens, I freak out and get desperate. Meaning, I take whatever job I can find, even if it means I take four jobs that pay $10/hr. Or I try to do all the “get rich quick” schemes there are. I try to find any and every way to make money online…the list goes on an on.


My husband now asks me, “what are you scheming over there, you schemer?” lol At least he indulges me.


But on this particular day, I was listening to a podcast and it made me freak out again. So I went on instagram and started going to all the smaller scale brands I could think of that MIGHT send me a sample to post on my social media and talk about their product (slyly). I targeted brands that I am genuinely interested in.


One of them, was Mea Cargo, who makes these amazing handmade pieces of jewelry that are coastal and fitness inspired. Being a fitness enthusiast, I immediately DM’d them. THIS WAS MY MESSAGE:


“Hey there! I love the design of all your jewelry and I love how they are related to fitness! I was wondering if you need people to post about it? I am an avid crossfitter (our box is Crossfit Temecula and I’m married to a level 1 coach and have a home gym!) I am also a certified Fitness Nutrition Specialist, I will also be taking my test to become a CPT in a month and I’m a spin instructor. I would really like to try out your products and wear them in front of my clients and share it on my instagram with my friends if you’re able to send me some samples? Let me know if that is something you might be interested in. Thanks! -Amber”


Now, I thought this was completely appropriate UNTIL I received a message back from Mae Cargo. It was not the message that I expected. But it WAS the message that I needed to hear.


Kate responded and asked what I was asking for? I thought this meant, which products are you asking for? So I told her which ones were my favorite.


She then said,

“Are you asking for free stuff?”


I froze.


My heart stopped beating.


“Am I asking for free stuff?” I asked myself.

“I AM asking for free stuff,” I told myself. How dare I?


She then went on to add that although she knows smaller businesses do this, she said that she has worked very hard to start her own business and that she would not do this. Instead I should support small businesses by buying their products.


Her message was very abrupt (as I’m sure my message was to her), and it completely caught me off guard.


I don’t believe in mooching off of people’s success. In fact, I am trying to build my own success. And yet, right now I am so desperate that I have lost all respect for my own integrity, as well as had the guts to insult a small business owner who has probably struggled at one point or another to get her business off the ground.


I’ve been praying for God to speak to me and to help me stop being so desperate. In fact, I journal-ed about it this morning during my quiet time before working out.


Right now, I’m honestly extremely ashamed of this behavior and I hope one day, if I am ever a successful small business owner, like Kate, that I have enough self-respect and respect for my company to not tolerate anyone that acts like I did today.


To be clear, my intention was not to get free stuff. My intention was so that I could build a relationship with a brand and work up to earning a discount code with that brand, then sharing my code with my followers and earning a small percentage off of any sales made. This is still mooching off of Kate, so I can completely understand her point of view.


If you want to support Mae Cargo, please check out their website and buy a beautiful necklace!